Kids as People

Father and Son
Recently I asked my friend Greg Pecknold a simple question. How is it that his three remarkable kids all turned out to be so creative and passionate? His simple answer to me: my wife and I also treated them like people not children. Greg's son Robin is the lead singer of the critically successful band Fleet Foxes, his talented daughter Aja manages the band and his oldest son, Sean is a accomplished filmmaker and animator.

This got me thinking about my own kids and my parenting style. How do I treat my children? When my son and daughter were younger I tried to control every aspect of their environment. I worried constantly that they would fall down our steep stairs or drive a sharp knife into their petite hands. Now they are 8 and 10. I realized that guarded hovering Father is not the way to go. It may have been appropriate when they were toddlers. Now I must let them be themselves. They have to learn on their own if they are going to be fully functioning teenagers and adults.

As an involved Father I find myself capable but at times paralyzed by fear. Abraham Lowe says that "worry is highest form of exceptionality, it is an attempt to control others." Now that I've realized I can't control my kids. My job is to strengthen MY inner environment. I may be able to influence my kids behavior only when my supreme goal is my mental health and when I place value on my inner peace. Adding some self discpline to the mix doesn't hurt. When these 3 things are in alignment I am more patient and I treat my kids like people. I can only hope that my children prove to be as centered and creative as the three remarkable Pecknold kids.

Art of Fathering from the Game of Baseball

My son was born in 1998, the year Joe Torre took the Yankees to another World Series. I sat and watched every game with this tiny soul in my arms. My son says now that's when he became a Yankee fan. I was a long time season ticket holder to the Seattle Mariners. My son and later my daughter joined me at dozens of games. The rule for me is always when the kids want to leave - we go, no questions asked. I had heard that advice from another Father in my section. He told me they will grow to love the game if you leave when they are ready. My kids now sit through in 9 innings and score the game without a complaint.

The memories stand large for the 3 of us. The Mariners had 116 wins in the beginning of the Decade (that seems so long ago) and my son went to 48 games that year. We watched the All Star game from behind home plate. We watched Clemons and Rivera. We saw A-Rod play on both teams. The site of the any Ballpark gets my kids to perk up and say "when can we go Dad?"

Since tonight is the start of the World Series it means that another terrific season is about to end. It also is a chance for me and my kids to celebrate the love we have for Baseball. I found my inspiration from a terrific Father and Waldorf teacher Jake Petrash. He wrote "Covering Home: Lessons on the Art of Fathering from the Game of Baseball."

Petrash describes three important stages of childhood (and parenting), each of which lasts about seven years and which he equates with the early innings, the middle innings, and the late innings in Baseball. In the first three innings, the focus is on the child's and the father's "active" involvement in their relationship. In the next three innings, their relationship centers on the emotional connection between them. The last three innings are more "thoughtful" as the child learns to become independent.

I'm in the middle innings right now with my kids. So far the beloved game has provided many chances for us to create a strong emotional bond. I am looking forward to the later innings while enjoying the fun that is happening right now.

The Origins of Daddoo

For years now my ten year old son has greeted me with the celebratory shout of "HEY DADDOO!!!" I've come to see his pre-teen enthusiasm as an encapsulation of the sweet youthful connection between a Father and Child. This blog is a heroic attempt to capture the thoughts and feelings that I have from my experience as a Father, Man and humble American. I hope you will stay tuned.

Yours - Daddo